Publication Celebration! Part Three of Three

For a long time I'd wanted to write something about an insane person, something with a maniacal edge; something chilling yet somehow beautiful. It took months of thinking and drafting and proofing before I came up with "Painted," and the more I read it, the more I think that it really reflects a part of me. This was written to be performed in a poetry slam, so I've included stage directions to paint a more vivid picture. Enjoy.

Painted

(Do not make eye contact with audience. Introverted, insane, girlish voice. Stare at the floor, twist feet, walk in circles, rock back and forth, twirl hair, bite fingers, etc. Look up occasionally but not at audience.)

I can’t share.
So I’ll put these words in a cage,
And lock them away,
All alone in my head,
Till they all become dead,
And not me instead.

I built a stronger cage this time.
I didn’t poke holes in the lid,
So the words will suffocate
Like ladybugs in a jar.
And it’s better they die
Than I.
I do not lie when I don’t want to die.
(Staccato words, short and clipped) I don’t want to die and I don’t want to lie...

Last time I tried to lock up my words,
They escaped through the cracks
But I kept a secret
All locked up in my head
Like a bird in a cage,
That slowly I strangled,
Slowly slowly slowly so it didn’t
Make
A
Sound,
And no one will ever have to know.
Now I can dream about the bird and draw it and paint it...

(sudden realization, look at audience, shocked)
As an obsession, a horrible horrible obsession,
Hundreds of crimson paintings of ice spikes and electrocutions,
Trapped, suicide, war, death,
I can show them to people,
I can think that they’re beautiful but I know the things they mean,
The hidden stories,
The painting I never finished because I never found what I was looking for,
And I (choke, gasp)

(return to first voice)
It doesn’t matter.
They never found the bird I killed.
They never found the cage I built.
I just told someone
But I lied.
I still have a secret.

If you listen close, I might share my secret,
But only if you promise not to tell,
And I’ll know if you’re lying,
So please don’t lie to me
(No lying please.)

(I don’t want to lie and I don’t want to die)

(turn back to audience, mutter to self, pace)
NO!
You can’t trust them
They’re going to tell,
They’re lying, you can’t trust them, can’t trust them,
Their promises are lies
I don’t want to die and I don’t want to lie,
Because lying is bad.
Bad people lie like the ones you can’t trust,
And if you trust your brain turns to rust,
So being alone is a must is a must,
Being alone is a must,
I’m alone in my head with the blood that is red and the bird that is dead--

(turn back around) (scream) GET OUT!

(look shocked, cover mouth)